Why am I suffering?
So Much Pain
The book of Job is not for the faint of heart. It is filled with suffering and despair. God had his reasons for causing catastrophe to come upon Job and strip everything away from him, but he chose to not let Job in on what was happening. Though I have never come close to the hardships Job endured, I can relate to his feelings of despair. Within the time span of four months, every area of my life seemed to take a hard and devastating hit. From injuries and illnesses to difficulties with finances and challenging work environments, for both my husband and I, we had no idea what God was doing. Despite many people telling us, God is good and has a reason for everything that is happening, it was hard for me to a have an honest conversation with anyone without bursting into tears. I still loved God and believed in him, but I had never experienced such a lack of hope for the future before, a lack of belief that anything would get better this side of heaven.
What is Needed When Disaster Strikes
Job was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil (Job 1:1). He was also a very wealthy man, “the greatest man among all of the people of the East.” Regardless of his moral living and faithfulness to God, horrible things happened. According to Job 1:13-19, the Sabeans attacked one area, and the Chaldeans attacked another; the Sabeans stole Job’s oxen and donkeys while the Chaldeans stole his camels, but both groups killed numerous servants. A deadly fire also started, burning everything in its path, killing all of Job’s sheep and even more servants. Worst of all, while Job’s sons and daughters were having a party, a fierce wind caused the house to collapse on them, killing every one of Job’s children. The suffering only continued as the Lord allowed Satan to afflict Job “with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the crown of his head” (Job 2:7). Job suffered loss, heartache, and pain. We suffered our own form of these things. With increased natural disasters and sin running rampant in the world, a multitude of people have also experienced their own tragedies. When nothing makes sense, God seems silent, and there is so much brokenness, what can possibly help? Maybe a few things.
Though Job had lost his wealth, livelihood, children, and health, he held onto his faith, spoke honestly about his situation and misery, and asked God many questions about his suffering. The King gave us emotions for a reason, and He also told us that “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). He knows and understands what we are going through, better than anyone else. We can bring everything we are feeling and experiencing directly to his throne. We can ask all the hard questions. When it’s too painful to talk to God, we also can start with few words. “Jesus” or “Help me, Lord” have been simple words I have uttered into my dark storms on many occasions. A close friend once told me that she holds the Bible while she sleeps whenever going through heartbreaking circumstances, which I have also found helpful to do and of great comfort.
We were never meant to go through life alone. We were made for community to “rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.” It’s often difficult to find the right words to say to a dear friend who is suffering, but sometimes words are not needed. Job had three friends who wept with him, sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights, and did not say a word (Job 2:12-13). The presence of love can be more powerful than well-intentioned words of love that may come out wrong. When my husband and I were going through it, it was friends and family who prayed for us, checked in on us regularly, and asked if there was anything they could do to help that truly helped us the most. Allowing ourselves, within reason, to pull back from whatever was adding more stress instead of joy to our lives was also beneficial during our time in the deep valley. We needed time and space to wrestle with God about everything we were going through. It was so difficult to read God’s word during this time or pray, but the sooner we got back into this rhythm the better we felt. It was like our minds were saying, “Lord, we don’t understand anything that is happening and we want to give up,” but our hearts were saying, “Lord, we still love and trust you, so we are going to do the things you have told us to do, even though it hurts. Please help us fix everything. We can’t focus on all the problems anymore, but we can focus on you. You are what’s most important.”
What’s Far From Helpful
Though Job’s friends started strong with their presence and sympathy for Job, it did not take long for them to blame all the recent horrific events on Job’s sins. The book of Job clearly states that it wasn’t Job’s sin that caused any of it, but Satan trying to turn Job against God. However, Job’s friends had their own interpretation. Many people in our lives will have their own interpretation too. Usually if someone is trying to tell you why you are suffering, it’s lies. Only God knows his purpose in our pain. I have also experienced people, in attempt to be helpful, say that things are bad, but at least it’s not as bad as something worse. I am also guilty of doing this. While this is often true, it does not do a lot to validate real feelings or personal hardships. God gives each one a different measure of faith (Romans 12:3). What one person may be able to bare, another may not be able to. All suffering is painful. However, when giving thanks to God despite our circumstances, as the Bible tells us to do (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18), practicing gratitude for the mercies God has still provided us in our situations can be helpful. God knows best. Yet, what is truly uplifting to receive from other people, during trying times, often depends on the person.
God’s Still There
When Job quieted his soul enough to listen, God spoke. The King told Job how beyond comprehension His ways are and that He is in control of everything. When I was ready, I went on a Women’s retreat through my church that ironically had the theme God’s Faithfulness. I remember my emotions were still so raw from what I had gone through over the past few months. During one of the sessions, the worship leader said that sometimes we are not able to proclaim God’s faithfulness due to what we are going through, but we can let those around us help us by proclaiming it for us in song. I remember the tears falling down my face as I listened to the words I was struggling to still believe in about God’s faithfulness, words I couldn’t sing yet, and I let other women sing them for me. Their faithfulness helped me to lift up my own praises to God, despite all the sorrow I had endured, despite all the questions I still had. That was an amazing demonstration to me of the power of God’s people when we worship together. It helped to heal my soul.
Believing Lies, Forgetting Truth
One of the wonderful testimonies I heard over the course of the retreat was so different than my own story, but I could completely identify with the woman’s wrestling with God’s goodness and faithfulness. So many troubling things had happened in her life and her childrens’ lives that she was not expecting, but she clung to God through it all. She came out the other side with more trust in God, despite certain situations not being fully resolved, the future still uncertain. She chose to believe God would work it all out for good. Her heart had the peace God promises to give us that goes beyond understanding (Philippians 4:7).
During some personal prayer time, I reflected on God’s goodness and faithfulness. Without really realizing it, since I had become a Christian as a teenager, I was basing God’s goodness on how good my life circumstances were. Not only that, but I was trusting his faithfulness on how fast the Lord answered my prayers and how swiftly and completely he got me out of challenging circumstances. What wrong thinking. God is so gracious to me even when I am in such deep and obvious error. What the King showed me during that quiet time is that God is good because of who He is. It has nothing to do with circumstances. His presence alone is good. He is God – sovereign, just, merciful, loving, all-knowing, all-powerful, and his promises are good. He promises to finish what he has started in us (Philippians 1:6), and surely, we will see his goodness in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13). Even when our sorrows are deep and our tears keep flowing, if we believe in Jesus as our Saviour, we have the amazing promise of eternal life, and one day no more weeping, no more pain (Revelation 21:4).
We Have Eternal Hope and Daily Hope
My husband once told me about a sermon he had heard that greatly impacted his outlook on life. He said a pastor had put on display for the congregation a long rope that seemed to go on forever and on all that rope was one small patch of red rope a few centimeters long. The pastor explained that the red rope represents our short time on earth while the rest of the rope represents eternity. That is quite a picture to put things into perspective. Life really isn’t that long. It also made me think of how the Bible promises, “our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” (2 Corinthians 4:17). This glory is what every believer is longing for and looking forward to. Matthew Henry’s Commentary regarding this verse states that the apostle and his followers “Put the heavenly glory in one scale and their earthly sufferings in another; and, pondering things in their thoughts, they found afflictions to be light, and the glory of heaven to be a far more exceeding weight.” While this is true, and we should probably be dwelling on such things far more than we do, is there anything else that can comfort us on this broken earth when faced with so many trials, which frequently don’t seem so light nor momentary?
God’s goodness and faithfulness are only two out of numerous amazing attributes of the King, but they have the power to lift our hearts out of deep darkness and make our souls sore up to the highest heavens. God is always faithful, not because he gets us out of harsh circumstances or answers our prayers, but because his presence is always available to us no matter what. No matter what. He is always there for us, whether we believe it or not or sense him or not. Whatever we are going through, his promises are not only good but true. God and his promises never change. He is there for us daily in big and small things. He will never leave us nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6), and nothing will separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39).
Job endured all kinds of suffering without ever knowing why, but God did not remain silent or leave Job heartbroken. The presence of the King always remained with Job. In the end, God blessed Job abundantly by giving him twice the amount he had before, more sons and daughters, and a long life, living to see four more generations (Job 42:16)! The story of Job can be considered an analogy of life and eternity. Like Job we may suffer greatly on this earth, but the blessings of eternity are far more than double the blessings on earth, the relationships and community in eternity are better and stronger, and life itself is without end. Whether on earth or in heaven, the best part is God’s presence.
Conclusion
We will likely always ask God why he is allowing us to suffer, and more often that not an answer may not come. Like Job’s situation, eventually tough circumstances do change, or at least become more bearable, because God is also merciful. However, the King’s goodness and faithfulness are not dependent on things changing for the better. His goodness and faithfulness are in His presence, and His presence is always available.