Overcoming envy and jealousy
The Pull of Comparison
When we opened presents as kids, most of us were taught to be polite and say thank you to the gift giver, even if we didn’t really like the present. This showed gratitude towards the person for the time and thoughtfulness that went into the gift giving. How easy it was, however, to compare our present of a board game to our neighbor’s brand new bike or to compare what we got with what we really wanted.
As an adult, not a lot has changed. It can be like second nature to compare our jobs, spouses, friends, kids, lifestyle, possessions, and everything else under to sun, to what belongs to others instead of thanking God for the gifts he has given us. What has been bestowed on us may seem lacking, but God is without fault and an impeccable provider, often giving us what we need instead of what we want. The things that belong to us may be imperfect, but they all have a perfect purpose from the Father (Proverbs 16:4). The King wants to mature us and help us to become more Christ-like every chance He gets (Ephesians 4:13). It’s tough, though. The truth is, if we had some things other people had, life would probably be easier for us in many ways. Nevertheless, we don’t often know what God is up to, the reason he is allowing things to happen as they are, or what the future holds. Still, we can trust He is good. The Bible declares, “You are good, and do good” (Psalm 119:68) and “The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made” (Psalm 145:9).
Focusing on the Main Thing
We were created to worship the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. A day that does not involve prayer and praise to the God of the universe is a wasted day, as we are missing out on our very purpose. How different, though, is that from what the world tells us when it says, if you’re not doing X, Y, and Z or don’t have this and that, you are not living and will be miserable. While the series The Chosen takes many creative liberties and diverges from the Bible sometimes, I enjoy watching it and believe it accurately portrays Jesus. One of my favorite lines in the show comes from the disciple Matthew when he says, “I have only one thing to do today: Follow Him. The rest takes care of itself.” The closer we are following God, the less we have a pull to focus on what others have as our eyes are already on God. We are told to fix our eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2) not to fix our eyes across the street or on tv or on social media. How long our eyes linger on something reveals what our hearts are truly focused on.
God does not see as man sees or value the things man does. God looks at the heart. God looks at motives. Vacations, luxurious homes, the newest and fastest technology are not necessarily negative things. However, they can certainly distract us from what’s most important. I know that I talk to God far less when I am on vacation or indulging in what my mind thinks will bring peace and pleasure. God is constantly wooing and pursuing us as Jeremiah 31:3 exclaims, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Sometimes part of that pursuit is God fully understanding that the very thing we feel we are missing or struggling with is the only thing that will draw us closer to Him. This might seem harsh, but the truth is intimacy with God is the best thing for us because, “a day in (His) courts is better than a thousand elsewhere,” (Psalm 84:10) and “(His) love is better than life!” (Psalm 63:3). It’s also hard to be distracted by our neighbour’s things or life when we are on our knees talking to the one who holds life and death in His hands.
The Enticement of The World
I will always remember a friend inviting me to join a business she was a part of. She was sharing how various people involved in this business were able to afford a specific luxury car, own a mansion-sized house, buy high-end clothing, and retire early. This is all fine and good, but a verse that came to mind when she was sharing this all as incentive for me to join the business was, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also,” Matthew 6:21. I want my treasure to be with the King, focused on what He wants me to be doing and pursing, not doing what other people are telling me to do in order to obtain wealth. How easily we are fooled by shiny things. I know I almost was and have been multiple times. 1 Timothy 6:9-10 says, “But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.” There is the argument that the more you have, the more you can give, which is 100% possible but not always probable. If you’re not generous and thankful with what you have now (that includes time, money, relationships, resources), there is no guarantee you will be generous and thankful when you have more. I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to have more if the motivation is to truly be generous, but I also think God allows people to be in the places they are at to prepare them for the future. Look at Luke 16:10: “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” We usually don’t receive more of anything – material and nonmaterial things - until the King sees and says we are ready for it.
Pursuing All The Good Stuff
So, what kind of life should we be living? 1 Thessalonians 4:11 explains it clearly when it says, “make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands … so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.” A quiet life is not a boring life, but one that contains peace and joy as well as a healthy mindset. Proverbs 14:30 says, “A peaceful mind gives life to the body, but jealousy rots the bones.” Working industriously and focusing on one’s own calling can also lead to contentment as God created us to work, not to be idle. Matthew Henry’s Complete Commentary on the Bible for 1 Thessalonians 4:11 states, “Satan is very busy to disquiet us.” He wants to pull our minds in all different directions, telling us what we need to be happy. If we are constantly discontent, full of envy and jealousy, and not at peace, it is not how God meant for us to live. He wants to quiet our minds and restore our souls.
In this fallen world, no one is without problems. No matter how put together or perfect someone’s life may seem, that person has their own issues. All the body swap story movies out there can attest to the fact that once you truly see what someone else’s life is like, you might not be so envious. God sees it all. He also tells us to love everyone, but we cannot do this on our own. No way, now how. Apart from God, we don’t even know what love is. We first need intimacy with the King to even understand love, and we need His perfect, unconditional love to be made whole, to allow ourselves all the love we have been longing for. Then we need to pray to the Lord and ask him, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to fill us with a love for others that comes from Him and not us. To fill us with a love that can honestly “rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). To let our hearts cry, “Oh Lord, please replace my desire for what others have and what I think about people with a deep, God-honoring love for them and concern for their soul.” To consistently pray, “May the Lord make (our) love increase and overflow for each other” (1 Thessalonians 3:12). Only God can start a love for others within us, and only He can increase that love.
We are so easily distracted by many things, and the idea that we are constantly in need of something new is pervasive in our culture. Despite this trend, practicing gratitude is popular among believers and nonbelievers. I think it’s because there is divine power behind being grateful as the Bible connects gratitude to worship, and worship is, of course, what we were made for. Hebrews 12:28 says, “Let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe.” Gratitude puts us in an appropriate mindset and helps us to keep our eyes on Jesus. Never underestimate the power of gratitude. No matter what is going on in life, God is still good, faithful, just, true and deserves to be worshiped. In a world that is constantly changing and unpredictable, praise God that He promises to never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6) and that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever!” (Hebrews 13:8).
Conclusion
As long as we live in our earthly bodies, we will struggle with envy and jealousy just like we struggle with all other sins. In Galatians 5:19-26, Paul says when we follow the desires of the flesh, we will experience jealousy. However, when we follow the desires of the Spirit, we will rid ourselves of jealousy. The more of God we pursue, the less appealing the world and the things of the world will seem. So, let’s slow down our stride and walk in step with the Spirit, not the fast-paced, money-centric ways of the world.